How would you like your girl?

My boyfriend's answer to that would have to be "smothered."

No, not "smother" as in "pillow to the face until I pass out/die." More like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" every 5 seconds.

Let me explain...

My boyfriend is just one pregnancy joke away from having a full blown panic attack. It makes me want to choke him. I can't say that I'm not feeling well without him freaking out. I've told him more than once how it makes me feel, but it's like he doesn't care. And the smothering that I'm talking about? Every 10 minutes he'll ask "what's up?" or "what are you doing?" If I tell him "watching tv" he'll respond with "what are you watching?"
.....
"Dr. Oz"
"What are they talking about?"
AHHHH!!!!
"Food"
"What about it?"
*throws phone across the room*
-ten minutes later-
"What's up?"
*walks out of room sans phone*
I know... I know... I may be overreacting a lotta bit, BUT, when you have to deal with a smothering boyfriend 24/7, gahhh.... I just wanna hit him. He's so sensitive too. I can't joke around with him about him without him being like


That's aggravating too.

But he can make all of the Asian jokes out there. It's like "fuck you, white boy. How do you say 'HAR-VARD?'" He gives me the face "Why are you being so mean?"

"Do you wanna see me being mean?"
*the face*
"no..."
"Ok. Then shut up."

Just writing this gives me a fucking headache.

I thought for a while about breaking up with him. We were going through an extremely rough patch. I was not producing any estrogen because I was on this fantastic shot called Lupron.

I was the most emotionally unstable person. Most likely borderline severely depressed. I also forgot a lot of stuff. But back to the boyfriend. Every little thing he did got on my last nerve. I didn't even wanna hold his hand when we were walking. He would sit next to me and I would get a hot flash and be like "you gotta move over. It's too hot." And he would move, but not without fuss.

But to his credit, he has been there for me through everything for the last 2 years, 1 month and 19 days. I've gone through so much in the last 2 years from failing out of college, re-starting college, being diagnosed with endometriosis, the horrors of my arthritis, having surgery, trying different medications to alleviate the pain that my body constantly puts me through despite my attempts to keep myself healthy. He's sat through my complaints about my back cramping and my fingers hurting so bad that I can't bend them or my knees hurting so bad that I can't walk. And that happens quite often, so I'm thankful that he has been there. There aren't too many guys out there willing to do something like that. Stick around with a girl who is constantly in pain.

He's great.
He's just a pest.
Sometimes.

The only thing that can calm me through everything, even near car crashes (which happens A LOT in this town) is music. Any kind. Something with a hot guy singing or a catchy tune is what works best when my nerves are shot. Eric Church's song "Drink In My Hand" is my current favorite :) "I Don't Want This Night to End" by Luke Bryan is another :) He's a nice lookin' boy :)

Another update:
I'm officially a red head. My hair is the color of arterial blood right after it comes out of the artery. Take THAT, medical nerds across the world lol

I should probably go to bed.
peace.