Don't be mad...

I've literally been too busy to blog in the last 2 weeks. I worked everyday when I was back home and now that I'm in Louisiana with my family, I barely have time to breathe.

My grandpa is doing worse than I expected. He just lays in his hospital bed all day. When he sits up his whole body shakes. But we found out today that there is no cancer in his leg bones. PTL!! I just wish his lung cancer would go away with it. But we all showed up on Christmas to spend some time with him which I believe he enjoyed.

My cousin and his wife had a little baby yesterday. He was born on Christmas Day. He's perfect in every single way :)
He was named after my daddy and my grandpa.

A friend of mine's momma lost her battle with brain cancer. She was diagnosed when she was younger and passed away a few days after her 60th birthday. She was a strong woman with an even stronger family.

Anyways, I'll try to update as soon as I get back from Louisiana. It may be a little hectic as I'm trying to get back into school. So say a little prayer that everything works out.
Ya have a great night!!

My Paw

Some of my favorite childhood memories are with my Paw.

sitting on the front porch at the old house

I remember being a little kid and sitting in his lap just to watch cartoons or just to talk to him. Tell him about my week at home. My friends, how my little brother did something to make me mad, what we learned in school. And he always listened to every word I said. He always remembered and followed up on things weeks later.

He would always let us play in the giant old satellite dish that he had in the front yard. He even painted a giant smiley face in it so it would look nicer for us. When it rained, he would turn the dish up so it would catch the rain and then we'd watch the birds play in the water after the rain went away.

He tried so hard to grow a flower garden in the front of the house by the porch, but it never wanted to grow. I remember countless times that we helped him plant bags and bags of seeds, but every weekend, when we'd go to check if they were growing, it never failed that they weren't growing. He never could figure out why either. But he never gave up. 

He is such a headstrong man. I think I get that from him.

I remember every time we left their house to go back to New Orleans for the week, he would always hug us and kiss us and say "I love you big big like the world!" and then he'd hold his arms out as wide as they could go to show us just how much he loved us.

little me with Paw

 

For Hurricane Rita, my grandparents home was flooded. I think that was the first time I ever saw my Paw cry. All of his grandchildren grew up in that house, it was where he retired. He was so proud of that place. A gigantic yard filled with beautiful oak trees. A big front porch for his grandkids to play on, him and his sons to gather in the mornings and drink coffee and talk about life. You could swing your legs off the front porch and barely touch the ground. He loved that house.

He loves my grandma with all his heart. They've been married since he was 20 and she was 16. They had four children together. Three boys and one girl. Every time he left the house, he would give Maw a kiss and tell her "I love you". He would joke around with her too. He called her  "grumpy bear" when she woke up because she was never fully happy until she had her cup of coffee. She would always laugh and say "go ahead, Paw! I'll show you a bear!" I remember when I got into a fight with a boyfriend, I asked him about his first fight with Maw. He said they never fought. They may not have agreed with everything, but nothing was ever turned into a fight.

He was in the Air Force very briefly. Said he didn't like having people tell him what to do. So once his enlistment was up he became a tugboat captain, just like his father. He spent most of his life doing that. I remember being a youngin' when he retired. But he loved his job so much that whenever the boat would pass on the Intracoastal Canal by the house, he would drive down and wave to the captain or the crew, whoever was out on deck.

Now those of you who don't know me well might be thinking "why is she writing all this about her grandpa?" Trust me, this is not easy. I've been crying for most of this and I am not a fan of crying or admitting that I cry.

We found out today that my grandpa's lung cancer has more than likely spread to his bones. They're going to do a bone scan this Thursday and on Monday they will find the results. From there, they will call hospice to help make him comfortable. He's fought diabetes, skin cancer, bladder cancer, colon cancer, prostate cancer and he seemed to be doing well against this lung cancer until recently I guess.  This lung cancer seems to be too much for him to fight this time. If you read this, pray for him, or send positive thoughts his way. And my grandma's way too. She has been married to him for 52, almost 53 years. I can't imagine knowing someone for that long much less being married to them. I don't know what this is going to do to her or the rest of my family. Paw is like the glue that holds us all together.

I know you won't ever get to read this, Paw, but I love you so much. I'm sorry for not calling more often. I'm sorry for every time I have ever gotten mad at you. Thank you for the unconditional love you've shown me my entire life. Thank you for all the advice you've ever given me. I'll never forget any of it. You are so loved. Don't you ever forget that. Fight this for as long as you can and as hard as you can. We've all got your back.

I love you, Paw, big big

like the world!

Have a great evening, y'all.

You're my best friend!

This post is going to be about my best friend who I have only met once.

He is the greatest guy I've ever known aside from most of the men in my family. For the last 8 years (yes, 8) Rene has been there for me through the good and the bad. He always has something funny to say when I'm pissed off. I always hang up the phone with a smile on my face when talking to him because he is just the best. He's always so positive and happy.

He and I go through a lot of similar things. We pretty much became single around the same time this year so I was able to help him with that when he was hurting. Just like he was able to help me when I was upset about my ex dating a girl prettier than me (how dare he, by the way. He doesn't deserve anything nice...)

He has been there for me through every breakup I've ever been through, seriously. My first breakup was in my freshman year in high school and he helped me through that even though I was mad at him for saying something bad on my myspace page. I obviously have gotten over that :)

When I found out I might be having an ovary removed, he sent me an ovary and said "if you have to have your ovary removed, you'll always have an extra one, just in case."

That is me with my ovary!!

It may have been the best and most thoughtful gift I've ever been given.


He encouraged me to play my guitar by sending me a chord book for Incubus songs. I tried so hard to play that, but I am not that good at reading music...

He also encourages me to be a better person. Tries to make me smile all the time. Tries his best to boost my self-esteem.

He's just this amazing guy that I absolutely love with all my heart.

You da best, Rene. Never forget that. And remember...

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks"

You are my best friend and always will be. I hope you enjoyed reading this now that you officially have access to my blog! :)

Have a great evening, y'all!

The Liebster Award!

Thanks to Tasha from A Lott to Love for nominating me for this. It looks like a ton of fun. This is how she explains it:

"Essentially, I tell you 11 things about myself, then I answer 11 questions from whoever nominated me, then I pick some folks to give the award to and give them 11 questions to answer. A fun new way to find new blogs!"

Eleven things about me:

1) I can speak a little bit of French and Korean
2) I have an addiction to sour candies. I'll eat them until my stomach hurts too much to eat them anymore.
3) I cannot pass college algebra to save my dang life.
4) I'm quiet...until you get to know me. Then I don't shut up.
5) I suffer from depression, arthritis, and endometriosis.
6) My hair is naturally red.
7) I have a fish that I've kept alive for over two and a half years now. That's longer than my longest relationship. I knew Kujo loved me :)
8) I am a packrat. I keep everything. I'm working on it though.
9) I have close to 15 books on medical things in my room. At first it was to find out more about my arthritis, but now it's because I want to be a nurse.
10) I look in shopping magazines and circle the things I want to buy, but never do.
11) I used to play the guitar and violin, but my arthritis prevents me from doing so anymore :(





Now onto Tasha's questions:

1. Why did you start your blog? 
   I started it to vent I think. That and I forgot the password for my old blog which probably had 2 entries in it at the most. I was going through a stressful time in my life and this helped me vent a little bit.
2. If you could switch places with anyone AT ALL for a week, who would it be?
   I would love to switch places with my cousin Jade. She has three of the most hilarious and amazing children I've ever known. I envy the time she gets to spend with them and that she gets to watch them grow out of infancy and into childhood.
3. Favorite thing to do on date night/girl night?
   For a date night: My favorite thing to do is eat. I love eating. A lot. Plus I don't have to be nervous about falling over my feet if we're walking around or falling asleep during a movie if it isn't interesting to me.
   For girl's night: My favorite thing to do is either bowling or watching movies and eating ice cream while venting about our lives. Way too much fun :)
4. What is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you?
   The most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me would have to be most of my 8th grade year. I had braces with a paletal expander that fit like a metal spider in the roof of my mouth. It made it impossible to say my own name correctly. Instead of "Janie", I would say "Jay-lee". Asian, right? Yeah, so what made it worse was that I switched schools right around the time I got the p.o.s. put in so all the kids at my new school thought I liked being called "Jay-lee" instead... >.<
5. In what reality show would you excel the most?
   In my wildest dreams, I'd like to excel at America's Next Top Model. But I think it'd be more like Road Rules. I always loved watching that show when I was younger.
6. If you could only eat one type of food for the rest of your life, which would you choose?
   Asian. I can't live without rice.
7. What is your dream job?
   Flight nurse at a pediatrics hospital in a big city somewhere.
8. What is your claim to fame (what do people know you as)?
   Most of my friends right now know me as the nursing major. Everytime there is a medical issue, I'm the one who is called.
9. If I opened your fridge right now, what would I find?
   An unopened bottle of wine, leftovers galore, lemons, grapefruit, milk, 2 dozen eggs, and a whole bunch of other stuff that isn't mine.
10. If you were an animal, what would you be? Why?
    I would definitely be a giraffe. Why? Have you seen me? I am tall for a girl. And my neck is ridiculous. And I have spots. Most people call them freckles though. Hahaha :)
    
11. The one thing that you want more than anything else at the moment is:
    Ugh. Haha! This question sucks. I want a relationship with someone who understands me, but still wants to be with me; is taller than me; wants to hold my hand in public; whisper sweet nothings into my ear; plans his future with me in mind without actually changing his dreams, but sees me there with him; wants me to follow my dreams; wants children; all that good stuff :)

Okay, so one more confession or truth to make.
I don't know of any bloggers with less than 200 followers out there. I should get out there and start following people though. So as soon as I find a few blogs that I like with less than 200 followers, I will definitely re-do this because it was fun :)