I am so sick of ruining my jeans!! In the last year, I've ripped TWO pairs! Now the first pair, I had NO business bein in. But this pair that just ripped were my favorite pair. I am not that big!
It's time to work out. Nothing is better motivation that ripping your jeans.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
This is me missing you.
Dear Paw, I'm writing this letter to you because, well, I miss you.
I think about you all the time. And I always think to myself "man, I really wish I could talk to him right now."
It's been a month and a few days since you left this life on this earth and made your way to heaven. This has quite possibly been the hardest month of my entire life. I've talked to Maw once since we got back from Louisiana. I would call more often, but I always think "I can't wait to tell Paw about this or that" and then I remember that I won't be hearing your voice again and I get sad again. Then I don't want to call. But Momma and Daddy call her everyday. So don't you worry about her. She's being taken cared of.
I'm supposed to be going fly tomorrow with that boy I was telling you about a few months ago. I am so excited. I kinda have this ridiculous hope that I'll see you in the clouds. I know that won't happen. But it's nice to hope.
Anyways, I know you're happy and pain free in heaven. If not, I will have a very stern talking to with the Lord when my day comes. Nobody treats my Paw badly and gets away with it. Keep an eye on us. Especially on D. He needs strength and guidance. He's on a bad path, but you knew that. Even before you left...
I miss you SO much, Paw.
And I love you BIG BIG like the world!!! I know you saw me stretch my arms out haha :)
Oh and watch for me tomorrow when Michael takes me up. I'll be sure to wave to you.
Love you.
I think about you all the time. And I always think to myself "man, I really wish I could talk to him right now."
It's been a month and a few days since you left this life on this earth and made your way to heaven. This has quite possibly been the hardest month of my entire life. I've talked to Maw once since we got back from Louisiana. I would call more often, but I always think "I can't wait to tell Paw about this or that" and then I remember that I won't be hearing your voice again and I get sad again. Then I don't want to call. But Momma and Daddy call her everyday. So don't you worry about her. She's being taken cared of.
I'm supposed to be going fly tomorrow with that boy I was telling you about a few months ago. I am so excited. I kinda have this ridiculous hope that I'll see you in the clouds. I know that won't happen. But it's nice to hope.
Anyways, I know you're happy and pain free in heaven. If not, I will have a very stern talking to with the Lord when my day comes. Nobody treats my Paw badly and gets away with it. Keep an eye on us. Especially on D. He needs strength and guidance. He's on a bad path, but you knew that. Even before you left...
I miss you SO much, Paw.
And I love you BIG BIG like the world!!! I know you saw me stretch my arms out haha :)
Oh and watch for me tomorrow when Michael takes me up. I'll be sure to wave to you.
Love you.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
The Newer Me :)
Since coming back from my Paw's funeral in Louisiana and giving myself an extra week to get used to my world without him, I've made some new rules for myself.
1) Go to school- In the past 2 years, my drive to go to class has diminished. I hated going to class and sitting there listening to the professor ramble on and on about things I would not use in my career as a medical professional. I've failed out of school twice already and I'm only 22. I'm tired of failing and the #1 way to stop that is to actually go to class. Since coming back from La, I've only missed one class and that was the day after Superbowl. I had a late night spent making amends with a friend, so school would not have been productive had I gone.
2) Do your homework- This is another bad habit I have. Not doing my homework. Either that or waiting until the last minute to do it and turn in a crappy assignment. I've been turning my assignments on time with extra time to edit it just in case. I hated doing homework because I felt like it took up too much of my time. But in reality, I wasn't doing anything productive with that time. I was really just sitting around watching Netflix or goofing off with my ex-boyfriend.
3) Study- I hate studying. I hate reading my textbooks. They bore me to no end. I would rather do homework ALL DAY rather than study. BUT I know it needs to be done, so it will be done :) Just begrudgingly....
4) Go running- I was doing really well with this from July-September of last year, but I got bronchitis/pneumonia (I was seriously miserable) and had to stop running because I literally could not breathe :/ I tried running once in October when the weather was warm, but then it got cold again and I hate the cold. So last week I went running for the first time in months and although I was hurting for a few days afterwards, it felt amazing. I missed it so much. I've been running 3 times since then. Where I go running on base makes it fun to go running. I run along the flightline and if I time it correctly, planes fly over me when running. And if you know me, you know I love airplanes :)
5) Keep yourself healthy- I haven't been to the doctor this year, I don't think. I want to keep it that way. Many of the people in my family are sick with some sort of ailment. My Paw died from complications of lung cancer. I am trying to eat healthier. I buy candy less. I buy sweets in general less. I'm trying to cut back on my fast food intake. I just downloaded an app that counts calories in fast food. It breaks it down by restaurant. I'm hoping that will deter my "need" for fast food. The running and exercise are to keep my heart healthy. I eat foods with smaller amounts of sodium when I eat at work or home. I don't take supplements to make up for what I'm lacking in my diet (veggies, calcium) but I don't believe that supplements are good for you. Plus most of them make me feel icky.
6) Smile more- I've been told I have a nice smile. I make more money at work when I smile. It should only make sense that I want to smile more. But for a long time, I felt like there was no reason for me to smile. I was falling into a deeper and darker depression. I also had horrible anxiety. Both of these have been with me since my freshman year of high school. I had a hard time talking to people which I most recently started to have an easier time with. I love being a more social person and less awkward. Which I something I really had a hard time with. It's taken medication for me to get over all this, but the medicine has helped and turned me into a more motivated and happier more confident person :)
7) Make others smile- I love to make people happy. I will sit there and sing-say everything to someone if they look upset. I usually only do that if I'm really close with that person though. But if I am walking somewhere and pass someone, I will smile and say hi to them which is not something that happens very much anymore in today's society. I like being a little on the goofy side and saying funny things to make others laugh. I always tell my customers to have a nice day with a smile on my face. I enjoy doing those things. I enjoy seeing people happy and it makes me even happier to know that I have done something to contribute to that.
8) Choose your friends wisely- Most recently, I have scaled back on my friends. I got rid of one the other day and thank goodness I did it when I did. I have this feeling that if I was there in person with him when I called it off, I would have been hurt physically. Another set of my friends turned me away on my birthday. That felt great. But oh well. It just goes to show how they value my friendship, if they did at all. I love being with my friends, but only if they want to be with me. I know I'm not always a positive person, but I am working on that. I want friends I can trust and have fun with.
So, if you read through this entire book, thanks, lol
I know it was probably boring, BUT if I don't get things like this down in writing (typing), I never follow through with it. So now I can do that :)
I'm going to shower and get ready to go to a friend's house to drink wine and make brownies with a friend:)
Have a great evening!
1) Go to school- In the past 2 years, my drive to go to class has diminished. I hated going to class and sitting there listening to the professor ramble on and on about things I would not use in my career as a medical professional. I've failed out of school twice already and I'm only 22. I'm tired of failing and the #1 way to stop that is to actually go to class. Since coming back from La, I've only missed one class and that was the day after Superbowl. I had a late night spent making amends with a friend, so school would not have been productive had I gone.
2) Do your homework- This is another bad habit I have. Not doing my homework. Either that or waiting until the last minute to do it and turn in a crappy assignment. I've been turning my assignments on time with extra time to edit it just in case. I hated doing homework because I felt like it took up too much of my time. But in reality, I wasn't doing anything productive with that time. I was really just sitting around watching Netflix or goofing off with my ex-boyfriend.
3) Study- I hate studying. I hate reading my textbooks. They bore me to no end. I would rather do homework ALL DAY rather than study. BUT I know it needs to be done, so it will be done :) Just begrudgingly....
4) Go running- I was doing really well with this from July-September of last year, but I got bronchitis/pneumonia (I was seriously miserable) and had to stop running because I literally could not breathe :/ I tried running once in October when the weather was warm, but then it got cold again and I hate the cold. So last week I went running for the first time in months and although I was hurting for a few days afterwards, it felt amazing. I missed it so much. I've been running 3 times since then. Where I go running on base makes it fun to go running. I run along the flightline and if I time it correctly, planes fly over me when running. And if you know me, you know I love airplanes :)
5) Keep yourself healthy- I haven't been to the doctor this year, I don't think. I want to keep it that way. Many of the people in my family are sick with some sort of ailment. My Paw died from complications of lung cancer. I am trying to eat healthier. I buy candy less. I buy sweets in general less. I'm trying to cut back on my fast food intake. I just downloaded an app that counts calories in fast food. It breaks it down by restaurant. I'm hoping that will deter my "need" for fast food. The running and exercise are to keep my heart healthy. I eat foods with smaller amounts of sodium when I eat at work or home. I don't take supplements to make up for what I'm lacking in my diet (veggies, calcium) but I don't believe that supplements are good for you. Plus most of them make me feel icky.
6) Smile more- I've been told I have a nice smile. I make more money at work when I smile. It should only make sense that I want to smile more. But for a long time, I felt like there was no reason for me to smile. I was falling into a deeper and darker depression. I also had horrible anxiety. Both of these have been with me since my freshman year of high school. I had a hard time talking to people which I most recently started to have an easier time with. I love being a more social person and less awkward. Which I something I really had a hard time with. It's taken medication for me to get over all this, but the medicine has helped and turned me into a more motivated and happier more confident person :)
7) Make others smile- I love to make people happy. I will sit there and sing-say everything to someone if they look upset. I usually only do that if I'm really close with that person though. But if I am walking somewhere and pass someone, I will smile and say hi to them which is not something that happens very much anymore in today's society. I like being a little on the goofy side and saying funny things to make others laugh. I always tell my customers to have a nice day with a smile on my face. I enjoy doing those things. I enjoy seeing people happy and it makes me even happier to know that I have done something to contribute to that.
8) Choose your friends wisely- Most recently, I have scaled back on my friends. I got rid of one the other day and thank goodness I did it when I did. I have this feeling that if I was there in person with him when I called it off, I would have been hurt physically. Another set of my friends turned me away on my birthday. That felt great. But oh well. It just goes to show how they value my friendship, if they did at all. I love being with my friends, but only if they want to be with me. I know I'm not always a positive person, but I am working on that. I want friends I can trust and have fun with.
So, if you read through this entire book, thanks, lol
I know it was probably boring, BUT if I don't get things like this down in writing (typing), I never follow through with it. So now I can do that :)
I'm going to shower and get ready to go to a friend's house to drink wine and make brownies with a friend:)
Have a great evening!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Eff. Em. Ell.
Just when you think you know it all, you find out you know nothing at all.
I'm going to call these people boy 1 and boy 2.
Boy 1 I've liked for a couple of months.
Boy 2 I've liked for a couple of weeks.
Boy 1 never told me how he felt until I went on a few dates and fell in love with boy 2.
Now, I'm stuck in the worst triangle ever. I love them both. I can either pick one or neither. I'm thinking about choosing neither. Even if it breaks everyone's hearts. This is too much stress for me. I've literally done nothing all weekend but sit in bed and cry. And then today after scheduling a meetup time with boy 1 I did some running, some homework and I took a shower. And ate. Because I didn't do that this weekend either. Then I met up with boy 1 and told him how I felt and now I feel a million times better. Then we watched the office and all was good until his roommates dog pooped in the room. That was interesting.
Now I don't know what to tell boy 2. I hate my life sometimes, but at least I am alive. And that's all that matters.
Have a goodnight y'all.
I'm going to call these people boy 1 and boy 2.
Boy 1 I've liked for a couple of months.
Boy 2 I've liked for a couple of weeks.
Boy 1 never told me how he felt until I went on a few dates and fell in love with boy 2.
Now, I'm stuck in the worst triangle ever. I love them both. I can either pick one or neither. I'm thinking about choosing neither. Even if it breaks everyone's hearts. This is too much stress for me. I've literally done nothing all weekend but sit in bed and cry. And then today after scheduling a meetup time with boy 1 I did some running, some homework and I took a shower. And ate. Because I didn't do that this weekend either. Then I met up with boy 1 and told him how I felt and now I feel a million times better. Then we watched the office and all was good until his roommates dog pooped in the room. That was interesting.
Now I don't know what to tell boy 2. I hate my life sometimes, but at least I am alive. And that's all that matters.
Have a goodnight y'all.
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