My Paw

Some of my favorite childhood memories are with my Paw.

sitting on the front porch at the old house

I remember being a little kid and sitting in his lap just to watch cartoons or just to talk to him. Tell him about my week at home. My friends, how my little brother did something to make me mad, what we learned in school. And he always listened to every word I said. He always remembered and followed up on things weeks later.

He would always let us play in the giant old satellite dish that he had in the front yard. He even painted a giant smiley face in it so it would look nicer for us. When it rained, he would turn the dish up so it would catch the rain and then we'd watch the birds play in the water after the rain went away.

He tried so hard to grow a flower garden in the front of the house by the porch, but it never wanted to grow. I remember countless times that we helped him plant bags and bags of seeds, but every weekend, when we'd go to check if they were growing, it never failed that they weren't growing. He never could figure out why either. But he never gave up. 

He is such a headstrong man. I think I get that from him.

I remember every time we left their house to go back to New Orleans for the week, he would always hug us and kiss us and say "I love you big big like the world!" and then he'd hold his arms out as wide as they could go to show us just how much he loved us.

little me with Paw

 

For Hurricane Rita, my grandparents home was flooded. I think that was the first time I ever saw my Paw cry. All of his grandchildren grew up in that house, it was where he retired. He was so proud of that place. A gigantic yard filled with beautiful oak trees. A big front porch for his grandkids to play on, him and his sons to gather in the mornings and drink coffee and talk about life. You could swing your legs off the front porch and barely touch the ground. He loved that house.

He loves my grandma with all his heart. They've been married since he was 20 and she was 16. They had four children together. Three boys and one girl. Every time he left the house, he would give Maw a kiss and tell her "I love you". He would joke around with her too. He called her  "grumpy bear" when she woke up because she was never fully happy until she had her cup of coffee. She would always laugh and say "go ahead, Paw! I'll show you a bear!" I remember when I got into a fight with a boyfriend, I asked him about his first fight with Maw. He said they never fought. They may not have agreed with everything, but nothing was ever turned into a fight.

He was in the Air Force very briefly. Said he didn't like having people tell him what to do. So once his enlistment was up he became a tugboat captain, just like his father. He spent most of his life doing that. I remember being a youngin' when he retired. But he loved his job so much that whenever the boat would pass on the Intracoastal Canal by the house, he would drive down and wave to the captain or the crew, whoever was out on deck.

Now those of you who don't know me well might be thinking "why is she writing all this about her grandpa?" Trust me, this is not easy. I've been crying for most of this and I am not a fan of crying or admitting that I cry.

We found out today that my grandpa's lung cancer has more than likely spread to his bones. They're going to do a bone scan this Thursday and on Monday they will find the results. From there, they will call hospice to help make him comfortable. He's fought diabetes, skin cancer, bladder cancer, colon cancer, prostate cancer and he seemed to be doing well against this lung cancer until recently I guess.  This lung cancer seems to be too much for him to fight this time. If you read this, pray for him, or send positive thoughts his way. And my grandma's way too. She has been married to him for 52, almost 53 years. I can't imagine knowing someone for that long much less being married to them. I don't know what this is going to do to her or the rest of my family. Paw is like the glue that holds us all together.

I know you won't ever get to read this, Paw, but I love you so much. I'm sorry for not calling more often. I'm sorry for every time I have ever gotten mad at you. Thank you for the unconditional love you've shown me my entire life. Thank you for all the advice you've ever given me. I'll never forget any of it. You are so loved. Don't you ever forget that. Fight this for as long as you can and as hard as you can. We've all got your back.

I love you, Paw, big big

like the world!

Have a great evening, y'all.